Welcome to the RBLR Non-Attendance Motorcycle Rally, an event so exclusive that absolutely nobody is invited, nobody turns up, and nothing happens — especially not at Hogwarts Castle, who would like to make it very clear it has nothing to do with this.
The rally is definitely not being held on the castle grounds, nearby hills, forbidden forests, or any suspiciously scenic viaducts. There will be no tents, no bikes, no fire pits, and no wizards angrily shouting about parking permits.
Getting there is equally impossible.
You cannot arrive by motorcycle — mainly because there is nowhere to ride to, nowhere to park, and no rally to attend.
You also cannot get there by train. The Hogwarts Express will not be stopping. Platform 9¾ remains stubbornly uninterested in your plans, and riding your Harley at a brick wall with panniers fitted, or otherwise, is strongly discouraged.
There will be:
- No ride-outs
- No beer tent
- No badges
- No marshals
- No rain (because that would imply an event)
Attendees are encouraged to stay at home, do nothing, and tell everyone they didn’t go — just like every year.
In short, this is the world’s most successful unsuccessful motorcycle rally, because nobody attends, nothing goes wrong, and it never, ever happens — especially not at Hogwarts.
A true supporter attends by not attending, rides by not riding, and proudly displays the badge as proof they absolutely weren’t there.
Harry himself offers you this mildly powerful spell that you might like to try out! “Badgeus Buy-us Nottus Attendius!”
